This is my final post this week on Ryan Tubridy and the understanding (or not) of lesbian and gay identity in Ireland. (Yeah thanks be to whomever!)

Today’s show (link here – good for the next 6 days) had a panel discussion on lesbian and gay issues in the 21st century Ireland. The panel was large – two mothers of lesbian/gay children, 4 gay men – one younger, one middleaged, one 60 + and one a social diarist, three lesbian women including a lesbian teacher and Inspector Finbarr Murphy.

The issues covered included coming out, violence and discrimination. The parting words from Inspector Murphy were ‘ if you are a victim, please contact the Gardai.’  So yes we got the issues that I hoped would be talked about and that Ryan has been constantly reminded about since his dismissive remarks last Friday morning.

But what did we actually learn from prime time radio’s coverage about lesbian and gay identity? 

I think we learnt that we are still ‘alien’, still ‘other’, still ‘them’ and ‘their’, whilst listeners and Ryan know more about some of the issues that affect us – I doubt ‘they’ know what it is like to ‘be’ us. Anne the mother of a lesbian who started this broadcasting journey last Friday wanted to stop the ‘them’ and ‘their’ but in fact the way in which Ryan and the team tackled the subject was all about issues and life incidents rather than life stories. There were too many speakers, all very eloquent, all worth spending a lot more time with. It became a rush around the table to get the issues in, rather than spending some time fitting the jigsaw puzzle of identity together.

There was one comment from a contributor that went half way to making the point that we have lives rather than gay moments or incidents. Dave talked about the importance of concentrating on the quality of life of lesbians and gay men and not just the strive for equality.

We didn’t hear anything about lesbians and gay men as carers, parents, brothers, sisters, politicians, decisionmakers, artists, sportsmen, paper pushers, busdrivers or spiritual people.

There was a mention for lesbian teachers, but it soon focused on bullying of students and not about the ‘lived experience’ of lesbian teachers.  I think those listeners who did not know about lesbian and gay identity or who thought it didn’t matter still don’t know about the issues and how they form a part of our lived experiences.  Sure we might get people marching in and supporting Pride marches, and the next time someone gets bashed or loses their job there will be concern.

But will the windows still twitch and people tut when a lesbian couple move next door, when a gay man brings his child to school, when a lesbian poet publishes poetry or wins a medal for Ireland in the next Olympics and is out and proud about it?  I think so – I think people will say ‘can’t they just shut up about it’ because they still won’t hear or understand what ‘being’ lesbian or gay is.

I am heading off tomorrow to continue to be a lesbian. I don’t mean just by spending time with my lover, or organising that my cat gets minded, or marching in North West Pride slightly nervous remembering my first pride march 14 years ago. And I don’t only refer to those conversations I will have with friends over the weekend about my life, their news, our stories, or dancing at a disco where I will be with other ‘aliens’ either. In fact in being a lesbian I mean all parts of my life, how I work, play, love, think, these are all part of being a lesbian and not just whom I love or are attracted to.

Ryan, if you think you have done the ‘Leaving Cert course’ in lesbian and gay Ireland, I’m sorry your syllabus was very poor.